Floods Make Fun of Pretty Girls

[Laura]

down a well I stumble
scraping my lungs with rubble
that only god can take away
but he never listens
he never pays attention to good girls
with values stronger than Christians
and I say "help me,
god damnit! I'll say your name in vain -
god damnit help me"
you seem worthless
and I feel weak -
but the air grows thicker
the more I speak
in riddles and rhymes
words not even I can copyright
it's like believing you're there
causing this clock inside me
to click, tick, f**king break away
I dare you -
I say "I dare you to help me,
god, you could at least try
and make me feel wanted"
no soul on this Earth will be graced
because dead or alive
your presence isn't real
and I say
"god damnit, stop the floods
washing away all sense
making us come together
and f**king pray!
bow our heads and say
please god help us"

but god you never came.

[allmeheart]

[glow=black,2,300]I really liked the ending. The last line was quite nice. However, the second line at the very beginning, I don't know what it was about it... I suppose the wording, just didn't seem right to me, I liked what was said, I liked the word rubble used as the rhyme but I didn't seem to be too fond of the wording. Not quite sure how else you could word it though... Sorry I couldn't help there. It seems to me that this could be the beginning of a song. Its easy to see where a chorus could develop from in this piece. I'm wondering what your inspiration was for this. It was very interesting to read, reminded me a bit of the Ring, don't take it as an insult if you didn't like the first movie. I think it was the mentioning of the well. Anyways, nice job. I enjoyed reading this.

~Jessica~ [/glow]

[Laura]

I don't know about the second line.

The inspiration? It's hard to say since there are people here that believe in god, but I don't - so if you get offended at that then you should stop reading. I think people are puppets. In the poem, it states they get down and pray but does he, as in god, do anything? No. It's really all about how much I hate the whole idea of god. I could ramble on about the deeper meaning of where this poem goes but I just think it could really get people's engines running and just this may change people's feelings towards me.