grifter
A Devoted Distraction
Posts: 135
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Post by grifter on Mar 16, 2006 21:54:16 GMT -6
and i say
and i say like dumb nickels two cents short i say why in my what a rounded sound like bubbles of black light mentioning reminders of under-colors that make your ears itch can you see i say and you can you think and maybe if you close your eyes to listen like pinching puddles in the afternoon of a dirt road and i say with the sun caught in my throat i say how with spittle and smoke and fields of burning magnetism like old satellites and coffee cans full of nails half off the table can you hear i say and you do i thought with feeling and stones splashing fluffy places nearer than deeper or closer than lower and you cover your ears like holy water and raven’s feathers with candy in your uneven smile and i say open your eyes
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Post by Laura on Mar 17, 2006 11:56:35 GMT -6
I didn't really understand some of it, to be honest ... say, " i say why in my" and " you do i thought with feeling and stones splashing fluffy" --I just didn't get them. But I did like the following: " mentioning reminders of under-colors that make your ears itch" --I just found this interesting with the colours and itching ears, heh. " like pinching puddles in the afternoon of a dirt road and i say with the sun caught in my throat i say how with spittle and smoke and fields of burning magnetism like old satellites and coffee cans full of nails half off the table" --although this does seem a tad confusing, I liked the choice of words. I liked the kind of messy feeling to this ... if that's okay to say that, ha. And the ending: " and you cover your ears like holy water and raven’s feathers with candy in your uneven smile and i say open your eyes" --was well executed! You know I enjoy reading your work
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grifter
A Devoted Distraction
Posts: 135
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Post by grifter on Mar 17, 2006 12:37:49 GMT -6
messy is such a good way to describe it try reading it like this i say "why" in my what a rounded sound caught in my throat i say "how" with spittle and smoke like old satellites and coffee- cans full of nails half off the table i was trying to make those coffee-cans sound half off the table you do i thought with feeling-- more often than not i judge information by how it makes me feel, and make decisions based on my feelings, so i "think", with my feelings and stone splashing fluffy places nearer than deeper or closer than lower-------this is saying that i realize the person is starting to get me, starting to understand, that there is more meaning inside than out, i just want them to go deeper, which is what i meant the ending to represent i strive to get people to pay attention, to whats inside them, instead of always focusing on the external, i try to make them close their eyes and cover their ears and look inward for meaning, i guess this one is about introspection, it was really free form, i didn't let myself change any of the images or sounds, i let them fall where they wanted so by the end their eyes are shut, ears covered, and when i say open your eyes at the end, it means to open them internally, like your mind's eye......
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Post by thecrazybeautiful on Mar 17, 2006 15:14:01 GMT -6
"and i say with the sun caught in my throat"
and
"with candy in your uneven smile and i say open your eyes"
Those are my absolute favorite parts. I like the choice of words there.
There were ALOT of descriptions in here. They were good, but...wow. Some parts were a little confusing, but for the most part, I got the idea, and I really like it.
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