|
Scream
Mar 3, 2006 18:33:00 GMT -6
Post by Absinthe on Mar 3, 2006 18:33:00 GMT -6
*Spur of the moment write.....still a bit rusty from periodic bouts of writer's block.....*
Flying on broken wings, wishing on morbid dreams. Drown in tears of passion, gulp down cyanide.
Take a deep breath...
Let it all go. Dream a little dream, where hummingbirds roar as lions fly by.
Fantastical words...
Cold hearted contradiction. Questioning eyes stare with conviction, wondering upon your transgressions. Let it all out....
Scream
* yeah, well....I dont like it much, but I'm happy enough with it as I haven't written in a while. Any suggestions are, as always, appreciated. *
|
|
|
Scream
Mar 4, 2006 7:39:50 GMT -6
Post by Laura on Mar 4, 2006 7:39:50 GMT -6
" Dream a little dream" --I instantly starting singing "Caught a Lite Sneeze" by Tori Amos because there she sings "dreamed a little dream, made my own pretty hate machine" " Cold hearted contradiction. Questioning eyes stare with conviction, wondering upon your transgressions. Let it all out....
Scream" --the ending was my favourite bit. It sounds like a good poem to be read out loud in front of an audience. My only problem is the word "gulp" ... I just don't like it, personally ... it sounds disgusting to me. I don't know why, I'm a fool heh, but good job!
|
|
|
Scream
Jul 4, 2006 22:45:38 GMT -6
Post by Only Me on Jul 4, 2006 22:45:38 GMT -6
I think that "gulp" is a little too abrupt. I love this. My favorite line is "Let it all go. Dream a little dream, where hummingbirds roar as lions fly by." I think because it makes dreaming seem like something we conciously are able to do... it makes it seem easy. ya know?
|
|
|
Scream
Jul 11, 2006 6:50:52 GMT -6
Post by thecrazybeautiful on Jul 11, 2006 6:50:52 GMT -6
This seems like an inspirational poem, with a touch of darkness and fantasy. I like the way this all comes together.
|
|