"Typical Teen"

[allmeheart]

A crystal tear falls down my cheek
I'm numb but yet I still feel weak
My body is cold as is my heart
I'm steadily being ripped apart
My eyes are red and they envy you
You're always the one with the perfect view
And theres never anything wrong with your life
Instead I'm always dealt the cards of strife
Happiness for me is like the tide
Waxing and waning the moon phases its guide
Troubled times and worry stalk me in the night
The only thing to ease the pain is for me to write
I let my feelings evelope the page
Slowly destroying the hurt and the rage
I'll be okay though no need to worry about me
I'm just the girl with a silent plea
You passed me in the 8th grade wing
You don't know it but those insults sting
Its quiet here being all alone
Living in the outcast "zone"
I don't want to be a part of your group
Where your main goal is to "get the scoop"
You make up rumors and don't truly care
About the scars your victums wear
But don't worry about us, we'll be fine
Because we're the ones who truly shine
With our sense of individuality
We've armored our mentality
And simple affronts only bounce off
While your left disabled eating from the trough
Don't call it cruel and don't call it mean
Its much easier to label me the typical teen

~Jessica~

[Absinthe]

The idea and the message were good, I thought, but the rhyming seemed a bit off in parts. Like this. . . .

"Happiness for me is like the tide
Waxing and waning the moon phases its guide"

.......The rhythm was thrown off here in the second line. The rhyming seemd forced because of it.

Over all, it was pretty good. I enjoyed it.

[Laura]

"I'm steadily being ripped apart"

--steadily being ripped works so well together

"Waxing and waning the moon phases "

--I like the wording but the very last two words that I didn't quote seemed forced.

"don't truly care
About the scars your victims wear"

--I really liked how you worded this ... wearing scars, ooh I like.

This had a good message but I found there to be a lot of forced rhyme. It's really hard to master such a skill as rhyme ... and although you had some very nice lines, since there was so much forced rhyme, it kind of took away. I still like the message/idea though. It's sad but it's kind of hopeful at the same time.

[Only Me]

most of the rhyming seemed too forced to me... rhyming is seldom an easy feat so when one pulls it off without forcing it too much they have accomplished a great task. There were parts that the rhyming worked really well... but the others need work.