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Post by xxrebel86xx on Feb 7, 2006 5:45:44 GMT -6
I tried to regret, whatever I've done to you in the past, But I can't. Refusing to show you that I am even more scared then before. Why was I hiding it? Was I trying to cover all the pain? I don't know. I haven't gotten there yet and I want to find out for myself. You don't know how much I've cried, and how you aren't worth my tears. You aren't worth my time if your going to hurt me more then ever. I didn't do anything, and I see that now. But you always told me not to lie, when you were the one lying in front of my face. I should take back the things that I've said, but now I'm glad I didn't. Those fights and those battles, were just the start of something. Maybe for once, You'll see that these battles are just going to go on, until you want them to stop. Because right now, It's your own battle.
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Post by Only Me on Feb 8, 2006 23:55:04 GMT -6
"scared then before" "more then ever" i have a severe case of OCD... and this is what I came up with... in both of these lines "then" should be "than". I know that it is a common mistake, but the only way to fix it is for someone to call attention to it and the writer to recognize it so that they can better their writing. It is a good poem. I felt that it was a bit choppy in some places though. Some of the lines I felt were a little long and could be broken into a couple different lines. Such as "You don't know how much I've cried, and how you aren't worth my tears." could be changed to something like 'You don't know how much I have cried. You don't know that you're not worth my tears' just a suggestion... every writer has their own way of writing, so do it how you want to do it, I am merely trying to offer suggestion keep writing... practice makes perfect and the definition of perfection is within a writers own soul! You determine the rules
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Post by Laura on Feb 9, 2006 10:33:21 GMT -6
" Refusing to show you that I am even more scared than before. Why was I hiding it?" --I can kind of relate to this part. It needs work but keep at it
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Feb 11, 2006 8:52:44 GMT -6
that is about your dad. ha! i'm right arent i? well it wasn't so bad but it wasnt the best you've written.
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