I See You Everywhere, When I Shouldn't

[BlueMoon]

[glow=red,2,300]I know you're there
I feel your gaze upon my back
Can't you see I don't care?
My heart cold, black
I see you too much
Do you know you scare me?
May I ever escape your clutch?
I never know where you will be
You always know where I am
Your are the wolf searching for a meal
I am the vulnerable, innocent lamb
I don't know what's your deal
I'm scared to leave my class
Unexpected sightings of you
Seeing you in the hall full of glass
"What's your problem?" I can't say
I want this to be over
I'm scared another day
Unlucky as a three leaf clover,
When will this be o'er way?[/glow]

[allmeheart]

i liked it, i think u might want to add more details if your looking to improve

[QueenPaige4]

hm...wow...It's very unique. I liked it. It could use some details and revising. but you don't have to listen to me. Anyways it was very well written. I liked it a lot.

[Sharon]

I never know where you will be
You always know where I am
Your are the wolf searching for a meal
I am the vulnerable, innocent lamb

[glow=purple,2,300]i really like that part.

there are some other parts though that I was confused about and it gave me the feel like the words were some what forced.[/glow]

I don't know what's your deal
I'm scared to leave my class
Unexpected sightings of you
Seeing you in the hall full of glass

[glow=purple,2,300]and also this part[/glow]

When will this be o'er way?

[glow=purple,2,300]possibly, the others may be right. maybe more details will make the message clearer.[/glow]

[BlueMoon]

Yeah, the "hall full of glass" means my school because there's a hallway that we call "the glass hallway". I didn't expect anyone to know that, but I didn't feel like putting it in, I was lazy that day. That last sentance means something like, "when will this ever be over?" but in my opinion, I think it's kinda unique. Thanks all for your comments, I appreciate it!

[Absinthe]

Hmmm......it wasn't bad. It was a bit confusing as to what was actually happening, though. I don't mean to offend, but I didn't like this much. I think you have potential, though.

I would love to see more from you, as I'm sure I would love them.

[haley13xoxo]

this strikes me as you trying to stay away from a ex boyfriends that hit u or a stepdad that raped u ...........idk thats just the vibe i got

[Laura]

"When will this be o'er way?"

--o'er way doesn't make sense to me. I don't like how it could mean a couple of things. Suggestion to leave it just as over and take out way or use over anyways ... not sure.

I don't know how you feel ... I was always the one to intimidate people. I could see someone writing this about me, it's scary.

[Only Me]

"My heart cold, black
I see you too much
Do you know you scare me?
May I ever escape your clutch?" These words ring so true to my ears at this point in my life...