BlueMoon
A Dedicated Distraction
Posts: 87
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Post by BlueMoon on Jun 28, 2005 19:31:04 GMT -6
Okay, this is kind of a poem written when I was angry, so I'm sorry if it makes no sense.
[glow=red,2,300]You. You always tell me to do something I always follow You always tell me to stay out of the way So I stay out of the way You tell me to shut up So I take my silence You want me to think your way My mind shifts its thinking You tell me not to complain I only compliment from then on "Do more work!" you bark I wear myself out working "Do your schoolwork!" you command At this point I speak up, my voice vibrant "How can I do all? Not perfect am I, nor you. Follow your own directions, you do them all for once!" Me.[/glow]
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BlueMoon
A Dedicated Distraction
Posts: 87
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Post by BlueMoon on Jun 29, 2005 21:24:21 GMT -6
Yeah, did that poem make any sense? I'm rereading it to myself, and it sounds terrible.
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Jul 1, 2005 17:36:31 GMT -6
Actually I thought it was very well written. It describes a relationship with a child and their parent/ guardian. Very good. Keep it up
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Post by Only Me on Jul 1, 2005 18:04:53 GMT -6
It makes perfect sense and is easy to follow...
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Post by allmeheart on Jul 1, 2005 18:17:50 GMT -6
its good, made sense to me
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Post by Sharon on Jul 13, 2005 13:35:11 GMT -6
[glow=purple,2,300]the message is clear. if i were to change something i'd change this line:[/glow] [glow=purple,2,300]perhaps you can say, "How can I do it all? I'm not perfect and neither are you" just a thought. thank you for sharing this with us [/glow]
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BlueMoon
A Dedicated Distraction
Posts: 87
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Post by BlueMoon on Jul 16, 2005 16:02:26 GMT -6
Yeah, that kinda sounded Shakespearan(spelling right?) there. Kinda funky sounding I know, I"ll see what I can do with it.
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Post by Absinthe on Jul 19, 2005 18:07:40 GMT -6
I liked it. I would agree it may need a bit of editing, but the overall feeling is there, and its great. This is something I can relate to. Good job.
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