Life of Nothing

[QueenPaige4]

Have you turned gray?
Did your problems go away?
Did you say good bye to the one you left behind?
Closed doors around you
None of them are open
Stuck in a hallway
No where to go
Did you see the heart left on the table?
It's broken
You try to fix it
It just gets worse
The walls go by so fast
You can't see his face
The one you've longed for
A year has gone by
and you're stuck in the office with
nothing but a pen
You write on the walls all of your feelings
Do you feel better?

[Absinthe]

Hmm....it isnt bad, but it just seems....incomplete? I dont know. It seems like a nice start, but there just feels like there needs to be more to it.

[QueenPaige4]

I was thinking the same thing. I was re-reading it today while typing it and I was like it seems incomplete. but thank you for the feed back

[allmeheart]

i say add another verse at least, what u have now is pretty good

[QueenPaige4]

thank you very much

[Sharon]

not bad, have you attempted a revision of this piece?

[QueenPaige4]

yes and it hasn't turned out the way i want it it'll take me another month or so to even get it right i leave it alone for a couple of months then go back to it i haven't lately but i will soon once i have some free time i've been busy studying for exams and i'll have time on thursday hopefully...but thank you for asking sharon

[Sharon]

sure thing, i'd love to see where you take this piece, keep us updated on the progress. it's a good idea to take your eyes off it for awhile then get back to it and see if there's any room for improvement. good plan.

[thecrazybeautiful]

The first two lines of this I really like, but the rest seems a bit down. This could be better with a little bit of work, as they were saying.

[stupidxgirl]

I agree, it has lots of potential The general idea of it is nice tho.