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Post by Sharon on May 17, 2007 21:10:56 GMT -6
It's been awhile since I've actually just sat and wrote and posted. As I was reading through poems I came across Sad Poetry and realized that I haven't contributed much to this area in the Poetry section. So... here goes something I just now wrote - your thoughts?
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You lost me.
You reached your hand for me expecting me to take hold and pull with all my will... I tried so hard to.
Please believe me.
I did everything I only knew how I was too gone, lost, and you couldn't help me find the answers.
Thank you.
My heart aches for all the times you've reached out and I've pushed you away - afraid to get too close. You were there and became the reason to stay a little longer.
I'm sorry.
Your all wasn't enough to save me I was the weak one after all and I've failed you I expected less and you expected more.
In the end... I lost you too.
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Post by NotSoPerfect on May 19, 2007 13:58:25 GMT -6
Welcome back to poetry!
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Post by thecrazybeautiful on May 19, 2007 17:35:58 GMT -6
Eeck, sad. I've been thinking about losing people lately, so it was weird to come on here and see this and be like "My mind was read..."
The only problem I have with this is "I tried so hard to." My English teacher always goes on and on about not ending sentences with prepositions, and this is an example. It just sounds a little weird.
I liked- "You were there and became the reason to stay a little longer." It reminds me of the guy I loved...
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Post by Sharon on May 20, 2007 9:48:43 GMT -6
Thanks! Eeck, sad. I've been thinking about losing people lately, so it was weird to come on here and see this and be like "My mind was read..." The only problem I have with this is "I tried so hard to." My English teacher always goes on and on about not ending sentences with prepositions, and this is an example. It just sounds a little weird. I liked- "You were there and became the reason to stay a little longer." It reminds me of the guy I loved... You are absolutely right, thanks for pointing that out - I would have left it otherwise. I've edited my post. Thanks so much for giving me feedback.
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Post by Cullen on May 22, 2007 22:03:01 GMT -6
Oh, sad this almost brought a tear to my eye. But I'm just a little to cool for crying. I really liked the way you broke up the poem into the two word sentence then the stanza, that was cool.
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Post by Sharon on Oct 5, 2007 7:44:28 GMT -6
Oh, sad this almost brought a tear to my eye. But I'm just a little to cool for crying. I really liked the way you broke up the poem into the two word sentence then the stanza, that was cool. A little too ? Thanks - I'm pleased with how this one turned out.
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lane
Contently A Distraction
Posts: 29
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Post by lane on Apr 22, 2012 10:24:41 GMT -6
[I expected less and you expected more.
In the end... I lost you too.]
thats the kicker..and says it all to me, 9 times out of 10 there is always one side that is stronger. maybe thats why its so hard to make friends, and I mean just friends! most want more. know what I mean? anyway good write and read.
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Post by Sharon on Apr 22, 2012 22:07:18 GMT -6
I've forgotten how exciting it was to receive feedback on my writing...this may inspire me to write again Thank you.
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lane
Contently A Distraction
Posts: 29
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Post by lane on Apr 23, 2012 19:09:04 GMT -6
I hope so Sharon..I stopped going around to sites for awhile, but I never stopped writing. I think its just born in us...lol
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