|
Post by Laura on Nov 17, 2005 18:50:05 GMT -6
a/n: this needs some revising, I think ... I was having difficulties with the ending.
Christmas Hurt
I haven't hurt in days because the pain just slips by me morning coffee doesn't sing like it used to the notes are all smudged like chocolate on a three-year-old "I was once young," I say as I pass up another cigarette from a stranger
I have finished all my Christmas shopping the ones that are tagged with familiar names just need boxes and ribbons for the children with no faces that cry filthy tears because they've got no clean water and I'm wondering, should I include a letter?
I pack in more violence moreso than a 14-year-old boy running on nothing but playstation late night TV it's freezing, so damn cold the hair on my arms have froze but the cold - it doesn't seem to stop the salty, yet tasty, flow dripping out my eyes
I forgot to kiss my husband goodbye today when he reached for the door handle should I be ashamed he's slamming the girl next door? how can a man be so wrapped up in warmth at home yet go out to spark a fire somewhere else?
I haven't spoken in days the presents surrounding the Christmas tree speak enough for the both of us and I won't be singing carols on Christmas eve because I can't remember the words, and I won't be sending gifts to the third world because I can't seem to feel anywhere else but I will be smiling tomorrow morning because I haven't hurt in days.
|
|
|
Post by allmeheart on Nov 26, 2005 0:33:53 GMT -6
very interesting story you've told w/in this poem, i think the third stanza should be revised though
|
|
|
Post by Laura on Nov 29, 2005 21:13:08 GMT -6
Yeah, I don't like the last line in the third stanza ... it's too long
|
|
|
Post by Only Me on Dec 4, 2005 1:13:07 GMT -6
I love it. great job! I cannot stand Christmas because I cannot afford to feed myself let alone others and while I know that my going hungry is severely different from others, I still feel bad when I have food and a roof over my head, I have done nothing to deserve what i do get... you know what I mean? ok back to the poem. great work... I really have no complaints, the first time I read it I didn't understand how the 4th stanza fit in... but then i re-read it and it made sense...
|
|