Broken Heart, Broken Trance

[Stoic]

On comes the night again
To shroud my aching heart.
In the dark I should have been…
I should have just played my part.

Silent and forgotten,
Shy and cold I do seem.
In the darkness begotten,
But I thought I saw a beam.
‘Twas the light of your brilliant face
That moved me heart from its dark home.
Your radiance raised my cold heart’s pace,
But now it has stopped, and I’m alone.

How bold was I to think,
That I could gain your hand?
And now my poor heart will sink
In dark seas, far from the sand.

With those waves comes the pain
To fill my shattered heart.
Here there is loss, never gain,
Here thing only fall apart.
Both Pain and I have met before
The time my heart had been broken.
Those scars that I bear should have kept me
From love or stopped the words now spoken.

I sit in my darkness,
My gloomy heart in shreds.
I will give no one access,
I will give them my grief instead.

[Sharon]

‘Twas the light of your brilliant face
That moved me heart from its dark home.
Your radiance raised my cold heart’s pace,
But now it has stopped, and I’m alone.

This part really stuck out for me - I liked the way you worded it.

Perhaps you'll consider finding alternative words to "heart" for it started to sound a bit repetitive as I read. ...but that's just my opinion.

Thanks for sharing

[XoXo_Branden_XoXo]

Poem is good and I can tell that it came from deep inside. The only thing i notice is what Sharon had mentioned is there is a little bit of reptiveness, but now so much. Nice job and I hope you will pull through. I am and have been in the same situation. Everyone keeps tellin me there is a better girl out there...well i hope so, for mine and your sake.

[Stoic]

Thank you