Lady Penguin
Wishes To Be A Distraction
I'm a poet and I know it!
Posts: 21
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Post by Lady Penguin on Mar 11, 2007 15:55:08 GMT -6
Days Gone By
As I count the days gone by, I really can't help but cry, Just years ago we were little kids, Not to imagine what the future hid,
Sooner than far, we'll have to leave, Away from the friends we trust and believe, The years it took us to build our friendships true, We must abandon it all and start anew,
We leave school in just a few years, The thought of goodbye brings me to tears, We all promise, swear we'll keep in touch, But we'll drift apart, I'm positive such,
As I count the days gone by, I really can't help but cry, I know you'll miss me, I'll miss you too, All I regret is not saying I love you.
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Post by Sharon on Mar 12, 2007 18:43:37 GMT -6
I admit, when I first read the title the song "Days Go By" came into my head (actually it's still there!)
One suggestion, replace some of the commas with periods - ending a poem with a comma makes it look incomplete.
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Lady Penguin
Wishes To Be A Distraction
I'm a poet and I know it!
Posts: 21
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Post by Lady Penguin on Mar 12, 2007 20:11:33 GMT -6
Oh! XD that was supposed to be a period, typo.. ^-^"
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Post by Absinthe on Mar 17, 2007 13:09:49 GMT -6
The rhyming, again, is forced. This:
"We all promise, swear we'll keep in touch, But we'll drift apart, I'm positive such,"
....doesn't even sound right and is clearly a forced attempt at making the second line rhyme with the first. It takes away, it really does. This one has little tiny hints of some sort of emotion hidden in it, but it is still rather bland and lacks meaning.
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