He and She (Unrhyming)

[Lady Penguin]

He and She

He walks down the hall.
She comes the other way.
He stops when he sees her.
She sees him and stops.

He can't stop staring.
She can't help but to stare.
He wants to be hers.
She wants to be his.

He sees his friends come by.
She hears her girls come over.
He gets a bit flustered,
She gets a bit nervous.

He hears his friends ask about her.
She tells her friends all about him.
He says he doesnt know her.
She calls him over to her.

He stares at her again, this time with another look.
She looks back at him and calls him again.
He says he doesnt know her, and joins his friends somewhere.
She falls to her knees, heartbroken.

He said he loved her,
She said she loved him,
He didnt love her, he was embarassed,
She was in love, but now was just hurt.

[Absinthe]

Try to not tell a story in your poems. At least not the conventional way. This is formatted pretty strictly and bordering on low-class prose. You need to stop thinking so much about what you are going to write and just write it. "Write what you know". You've probably heard it a million times, but it's true. Write what you are feeling at the precise moment your pen meets the page (or your fingers meet the keys). Put something into it. I've said this time and again, but there is no emotion in your work....it seems so lifeless. And if you hate me for continually pointing it out - good. Write about it.