stupidxgirl
A Devoted Distraction
So You Sailed Away...
Posts: 229
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4 am
May 22, 2006 0:16:45 GMT -6
Post by stupidxgirl on May 22, 2006 0:16:45 GMT -6
A/n: This was kinda inspired by Better Man by Pearl Jam. It didn't eactly turn out the way I thought it would, but oh well. The end could use some touching up I think, it was frustrating me like mad so I just threw something in there to tie it up.
4 am, things have got to change I'm falling asleep [to the sound] of you breathing under my sheets but the truth beyond words- is that I love him outside of this safe little box we call home.
You were mine first, but I've always been his-
And I've decided I'm the true uncrowned leader of all these lies, pretending to smile behind eyes filled to the brim with selfish satisfaction in the fact that I've fooled this god damn world with my prettied up chorus and smudged up lipstick.
But I did it so I wouldn't fade [out] like your favorite song meshing with radio static. I damanded clearity.
We're falling apart in the middle, but it's worth the dance quality sound.
But it's 6 am, and things will be the same I can't fall asleep [for the sound] and the way you breathe- but the truth beyond words- is that I suffocate to hold my tongue and let you live this dream.
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4 am
May 22, 2006 12:41:32 GMT -6
Post by Laura on May 22, 2006 12:41:32 GMT -6
" that I love him outside of this safe" --I liked this. " You were mine first, but I've always been his-" --interesting. " with selfish satisfaction" --I loved this description. " But I did it so I wouldn't fade [out] like your favorite song meshing with radio static." --the first and second line are sad ... like the woman feels a bit of sympathy, and the comparison is awesome. I enjoyed this. Ah, someone else getting inspiration from the greatest band on Earth. "clearity" though I don't think is a word. Clarity, possibly? Good anyway
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4 am
May 24, 2006 15:43:23 GMT -6
Post by thecrazybeautiful on May 24, 2006 15:43:23 GMT -6
"but the truth beyond words- is that I love him outside of this safe little box we call home." There's something about that I like. "like your favorite song meshing with radio static. I damanded clearity." That part is really nicely written, except, as Laura said, it would be clarity. "We're falling apart in the middle, but it's worth the dance quality sound." And I don't know what it is about those two lines, but they just draw interest. This is very interesting. I can see where the inspiration from the song comes in. Good job
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