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Post by thecrazybeautiful on May 18, 2006 17:30:25 GMT -6
I tried so hard to come up with a different title for this, but nothing came. So I'll leave it for now. Anyway, it seems more like a regular love poem, but it's a little more of what's behind the words that makes it broken.
Dreamgirl
Sleeping under the water cycle he dreams of rivers and waterfalls, and sees this one. Sees her rocking and singing to the pattern of the dripdrop. He created
her. Shut his eyes and formed a body with his own mind. He made her not of flesh, but of thought and feet tip-toeing around his truth. He never dreamed this much but he's got to now,
he's an artist.
She's painted under his eyelids and now they're always pinned shut.
He saw cherry red lips once, pressing the sky. She was kissing the sun. He would have wanted to capture that and not fear her photo-paper gaze, but her hands are touching his face. She's reaching out, and she's no dream anymore.
It's all on purpose, the twirling and mixing of her name with the air he breathes. He's made her real from all the thinking, and her mind knows no better
than to trap him.
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stupidxgirl
A Devoted Distraction
So You Sailed Away...
Posts: 229
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Post by stupidxgirl on May 18, 2006 22:01:00 GMT -6
"It's all on purpose, the twirling and mixing of her name with the air he breathes. He's made her real from all the thinking, and her mind knows no better than to trap him. " I loved the ending, some parts of it were a little off but that could be because I am tired LoL. It was a very, very interesting concept. I think it's one of my favorites by you awesome job doll.
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Post by Laura on May 19, 2006 8:37:03 GMT -6
" He made her not of flesh, but of thought and feet tip-toeing around his truth" --ooh spine tingling. I love the idea of making someone just out of thought. Interesting. This part intrigued me. " and not fear her photo-paper gaze, but her hands are touching his face" --I love gaze and face together. " He's made her real from all the thinking" --this reminds me of a song ... oh fooey I can't think of which one. Oh I know, it's Holly McNarland. Um ... I'll get it, hold on ... Water, that's it. This part: " and every time I turn around there's still no smile and my eyes they hurt from all the rubbing and my mind it hurts from my eyes" --just listen to the song. I don't know why ... just reminds me of it. Although this poem is more about dream-girl-fantasy-love than sadness like Water is. Oh well
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