stupidxgirl
A Devoted Distraction
So You Sailed Away...
Posts: 229
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Touch
Mar 4, 2006 0:47:34 GMT -6
Post by stupidxgirl on Mar 4, 2006 0:47:34 GMT -6
a/n: not my best, but it's the first thing I've been able to write lately. I have been having some extrem mental blockage from all the stress at home. I hope someone gets enjoyment out of this though.
I've been wondering all this time- [of course, only when I managed to clear my mind of your melodious voice and those blistering good-bye tunes protruding from your 6 string.]-
How long does it take to remove a bullet from a lung? With rusted scalpels and unsteady hands- [the same hands that traced over my tan skin like playing in the sand when we were kids.]
Touch, it was always such an intimate moment. Outlines and imperfections and slippery smooth water parks.
It all goes down hill they say- Once you forget why you ever fell in love in the first place.
I refused for sometime to forget why those eyes caught my attention. After awhile things blur the reasoning behind all thoughtless decisions sad to say.
And I've been wondering all this time- [only when the lights shimmer over someone else's face and the touch I feel is someone else's way of saying "you're beautiful"]-
Why wasn't it enough to keep you thinking the world of me?
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Touch
Mar 4, 2006 7:53:53 GMT -6
Post by Laura on Mar 4, 2006 7:53:53 GMT -6
" when I managed to clear my mind of your melodious voice and those blistering good-bye tunes protruding from your 6 string" --you know my weak spot. If you haven't noticed, music being played into poetry is one of my weaknesses. I adore it. Good, good " How long does it take to remove a bullet from a lung? With rusted scalpels and unsteady hands- [the same hands that traced over my tan skin like playing in the sand when we were kids.]" --ooh a reference that the lover may be a doctor of some sort is something new. Very interesting ... smart men are sexy, yes, yes! " It all goes down hill they say- Once you forget why you ever fell in love in the first place." --the best part ... so very true. I haven't read anyone else say this ... it's so easy but no one ever thinks of it. I loved it, loved, loved, loved (I think I'm in a repeating mode today)! And finally, " and the touch I feel is someone else's way of saying "you're beautiful"" --again, I loved this. This was absolutely amazingly written. Not one of your best? Well, I think it is! The whole concept is so simple yet you've created a whole different way of saying words and you've mastered the art of taking love and making it fresh and interesting ... and inspiring. I've absolutely fallen for this poem. I think it's incredible! I praise you and honestly, with all the brilliance you've stapled into these short little stanzas ... I'm hoping you can create something as beautiful and jaw dropping as this. One of the best poems I've ever read, no f*cking lie.
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Touch
Mar 5, 2006 17:56:25 GMT -6
Post by thecrazybeautiful on Mar 5, 2006 17:56:25 GMT -6
I have to agree with Laura, this was absolutely A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!
"[the same hands that traced over my tan skin like playing in the sand when we were kids.]
Touch, it was always such an intimate moment. Outlines and imperfections and slippery smooth water parks."
Those were my favorite parts, but the whole thing is reallyreallyreally good.
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