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Post by QueenPaige4 on Jul 29, 2005 16:45:45 GMT -6
I feel us slipping away Are we? I feel the tears coming Are they? I feel my heart breaking and you are suddenly not here with me to wipe away my tears You didn't scare my fears away You left me here alone and I want to go home but I am home Why am I so confused? Do you love me? I love you I probably will always love you Until suddenly I fall in love with someone new And they might be better than you but I don't know I'm not thinking about the future I'm thinking about you and our memories, our relationship I love our relationship But you don't know this You probably never will I scribble everything down Like I'm going somewhere soon But I know I'm not leaving But I'll be here waiting for you I'm not going to wait forever I'll eventually give up if you don't come back And this break up is hard on both of us And I haven't talked to you since yesterday The days are going by so fast And I'm just wishing I were with you again I'm just wishing you were here holding me and kissing me like before But I suddenly think that none of what I wish for will happen.
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Post by Absinthe on Jul 29, 2005 16:49:09 GMT -6
hmm....It wasn't bad. I wouldn't say its one of your better pieces, but its alright
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Post by puchik0 on Jul 29, 2005 16:49:58 GMT -6
wow great poem i liked the flow and i love this line "I scribble everything down Like I'm going somewhere soon"
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Jul 30, 2005 8:45:08 GMT -6
well thank you both.
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Post by allmeheart on Aug 20, 2005 13:03:43 GMT -6
it was okay, idk i think if u wouldnt repeat the same words as much, that it would be better
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Post by Sharon on Aug 21, 2005 13:24:46 GMT -6
wow great poem i liked the flow and i love this line "I scribble everything down Like I'm going somewhere soon" [glow=purple,2,300]i agree, i loved those lines too. the only line that kind of threw me off is the last one. it might be a little too long compared to the rest of the lines in the poem. [/glow]
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Aug 23, 2005 14:05:40 GMT -6
thank you for your feed back
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Post by Only Me on Sept 3, 2005 13:09:46 GMT -6
I like it, but I didnt think the repition of some of the words were necessary... It is a great piece...
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Feb 3, 2006 15:56:46 GMT -6
later on i may change it which i know i will and then i will repost it. thank you all again
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stupidxgirl
A Devoted Distraction
So You Sailed Away...
Posts: 229
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Post by stupidxgirl on Feb 4, 2006 5:46:28 GMT -6
This is just my own personal opinion, but honestly I didn't like this all that much. It has nice lines, and serious potential, but not my favorite. BUT I did find a line that I enjoyed very much. "I scribble everything down Like I'm going somewhere soon".
You're a good writer, I've read other things by you, this just wasn't my favorite that's all. Nice job none the less <3
Bren
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