To Dan House, The love of my life

[QueenPaige4]

Well this piece is really personal but i am sharing it with you guys because i want to get feed back and i think it is a decent piece.

Take this token because you deserve it
For you have picked it apart
The many pieces of my heart
surround the floor
Just like all your pictures
that covered my walls
Until you waved goodbye
I tore them all down
I ripped them apart
just like what you did to my heart
And all the tears you wasted
weren't enough for me to forgive you
So take this token
for our friendship that we had
the words we said
Every little thing that went
through your head
All the notes I wrote
All the feelings I felt for you
All the words I said that I meant
Just take away this token and burn it
I don't want to see it again.

[Laura]

Just a few errors: teared should be tore and felling should be feeling, I'm guessing.

Ah yes, the wonderful broken heart poem. Most of us have been here ... it's aggravating, I know. I enjoyed reading this. I most enjoyed:

"the words we said
Every little thing that went
through your head"

[QueenPaige4]

thank you so much...uh...just a couple of typos.. thanks for catching them..

[Sharon]

very nice! i would have to say this is one of your better pieces. great job.

[QueenPaige4]

thank you so much sharon i loveyou guys you guys are the best

[Only Me]

I like this piece, however I feel like the ending is missing something, like it ends too abruptly.? I don't know. great work thought.

[QueenPaige4]

splitpersonality said:

I like this piece, however I feel like the ending is missing something, like it ends too abruptly.? I don't know. great work thought.

Well it was suppose to end that way because thats the way i intended it to end. but thanks

[Only Me]

well, if thats the way u meant it then... its great. After rereading it... it does work to end it abruptly like that.

[Absinthe]

[glow=black,2,300] Not bad at all. I liked this part best:

'And all the tears you wasted
weren't enough for me to forgive you
So take this token
"

......Nice job.[/glow]

[allmeheart]

first of all i love the way you set up your poems, the layout always looks neat, clean yet poetic in a sense all its own, so props on that, now to the poem review lol, i loved it, the beginning was a wonderful start and the ending was even better, the lines in between completed everything, summing it up into a captivating piece

[QueenPaige4]

thank you all so much. uh...well...I don't know what else to say but thank you and that everything you guys tell me helps me become a better poet. so..uh...*blanks* Uh.....*thinks* i really don't know what to say but that im surprised that a lot of people that read my poems say that they are good and it is quite surprising.


thanks again

[xxrebel86xx]

paige you are such an awesome poet....i lovethis poem!

<3jen

[Only Me]

... we often are our own worst critics... you are an awesome poet and whether or not we like your poetry is dependant on whether or not YOU like your poetry and obviously you like it enough to post it which means that subconciously you do believe in yourself... ( I am studying to become a psychologist and I just realized how 'psychological' that sounded) but it is so true...

[QueenPaige4]

thank you so much and you are so right