A Love That Never Blooms

[sagsdragonlvr]

A love that never blooms

Raindrops pouring to the ground
As I stare into a puddle of water
That has been collected
I soaked myself within those moments
All it does is take me a place I know I need to be
But yet you deny me your love and security
The lord put us together
So we'd be each other's guiding stars
To explore a world uknown to either of us
But yet in the mist of our feelings
We let people cloud our judgement
And take refuge in people we never trusted
And never took comfort in knowing

I gave my all and I know you see it
But yet you don't seem
To want to show me the world I long to see
You are my wings when I soar within the night sky
You are the air I take in everyday when your around
Your the one who makes me realize I'm not alive without you

People say we're more than friends
But we'll always be just that...friends
Until your ready to take our love elsewhere
Pain has repeated in your life
And I don't and I won't let that happen
If i were the one holding you close
In a romantic area that anyone can relate to
I know those are alot of promises that can be broken
But you once told me to take a risk
And get whatever I wanted no matter what the consequence

You'll know when you've lost your chance with me
Because I will no longer be sitting at this bench
Hoping and wondering if your love will come my way
One of these days when I look up
And I see the cherry blossom tree have so many flowers
It makes me ponder on the ones that never bloom
But yet maybe the love we have
Is the one of those that never bloom
And here I am waiting pointlessly
For something that will never come
So I'll give our big finale one more tear

[Laura]

"We let people cloud our judgement
And take refuge in people we never trusted"

--that part was extremely well written.

As a whole, I thought it was okay. The repetition of friends (third stanza) and bloom (fourth/final stanza) didn't quite work that well here. I know where you're coming from though ... I liked this:

"But you once told me to take a risk
And get whatever I wanted no matter what the consequence"

--the idea of it is selfish but works really well. A couple of grammatical errors but oh well. I look forward to more.

[thecrazybeautiful]

As was said above, it was okay.

Being as honest as I can get, I'd say it was a little long and drawn out in some parts, but for the most part it was pretty good.

"We let people cloud our judgement
And take refuge in people we never trusted"

I like that part as well.

[Carissa Marie]

And I see the cherry blossom tree have so many flowers
It makes me ponder on the ones that never bloom
But yet maybe the love we have
Is the one of those that never bloom

That reminded me of Mulan.

Well, I also thought it was just okay... It seemed to be a little redundant or something. *shrugs*

[sagsdragonlvr]

Thank you for comments I really appreciate it.

[Only Me]

Great imagery...
"You'll know when you've lost your chance with me
Because I will no longer be sitting at this bench
Hoping and wondering if your love will come my way"
I love these lines, I am not too sure why, but I do...
gret imagery all through though...

[sagsdragonlvr]

thanks for your comments i really appreciate it.

[allmeheart]

w/ this work you drew me in at the very first line, it was quite captivating, the ending was complete, which some ppl don't always seem to master but u did, i liked the whole piece, don't really have any suggestions