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Post by QueenPaige4 on Aug 7, 2005 12:06:19 GMT -6
There's a girl inside a room She's wishing she was with The one person she loves The one person who left her behind She's crying as he walks by There's a story inside his heart It's tearing him apart but he can't tell her how much she means to him I'm the girl in a lonely room I'm disappearing from the world As she looks away from him she walks away Not saying goodbye because it hurts so much There's blood on her living room floor a gun in her hand, a note pinned to her chest But the killer is standing there dead She killed herself leaving only a note behind to say why And everyone cared and loved her including the boy with tears in his eyes that he is trying to hide. There's a question in his voice What's love all about if it doesn't last forever? Why does it all add up to suicide? Will he ever love again? He's standing on the corner of yesterday and tomorrow As his mother walks in cookies in her hands As she notices the look on her son's face, the sadness in his eyes She tells him Son, don't die you will find another love But will he ever?
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Post by Absinthe on Aug 7, 2005 18:26:07 GMT -6
Hmm......the emotion was there, but lines like this : "There's a light in ever dark heart hiding to be let free", that made no sense to me, kind of ruined it for me. I normally really like your work but this one just didn't seem up to par. Nice try though.
Oh, and on a positive note, I really like this line:
"He's standing on the corner of yesterday and tomorrow"
That was a good line. Build on it.
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Post by Only Me on Aug 10, 2005 18:52:02 GMT -6
I love this poem... my favorite line is the "He's standing on the corner of yesterday and tomorrow" that is a great line...
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Post by allmeheart on Aug 20, 2005 13:15:08 GMT -6
my lord, every1's favorite line is mine as well, nice job
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Aug 23, 2005 14:06:08 GMT -6
lol thank you very much
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