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Post by sweetzrose88 on Oct 11, 2005 10:26:22 GMT -6
I fell for you To the point where my love for you Was built into a bubble that's ready to burst I look up at the stars I see your face I look at the clouds I see your name written in the sky Everytime I feel your presence I hear your voice in my head Every glance we make at each other Makes me think twice about why we aren't together But I guess deep down inside We know how much we really care Yet all I think about is how I need you near by But I fear if I do something outrageous I'll lose you and you'll never speak to me the same way again A friend told me I'm in denial But I'm not anymore I know what my heart wants And it will stay you until someone comes to replace you But not to take away the piece you'll forever have in my heart [/center]
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Post by Sharon on Oct 17, 2005 19:34:29 GMT -6
[glow=purple,2,300]very nice, my only suggestion... i think you missed the word "with" in the second from the last line.[/glow]
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Post by sweetzrose88 on Oct 23, 2005 20:45:53 GMT -6
No that word i think that your thinking of is actually will not with.. i hope thats the same word you were looking at.
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Post by Sharon on Oct 26, 2005 16:54:33 GMT -6
[glow=purple,2,300]ohh, i think i get what you're saying... no at first i thought you meant to say... "And it will stay with you until someone comes to replace you" instead of "And it will stay you until someone comes to replace you"[/glow]
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Post by Only Me on Oct 30, 2005 16:26:54 GMT -6
"Yet all I think about is how I need you near by But I fear if I do something outrageous I'll lose you and you'll never speak to me the same way again" Once again I am being picky today for some reason, I think it is Sally coming out again... ummm well it flowed up until this verse I think. this is my suggestion... anyways I think maybe it is in the syllables.. or something, I am not quite sure right now I too thought you missed "with" but now that I read it again I see what you are saying... it's a really good piece, could be great with a little work...
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Post by sweetzrose88 on Oct 30, 2005 22:10:12 GMT -6
thanks for your comments I really appreciate it.
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Post by allmeheart on Nov 22, 2005 19:13:23 GMT -6
the ending didnt flow that well but i loved the rest on the content, keep working
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