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Post by QueenPaige4 on May 30, 2005 10:28:28 GMT -6
Broken PromiseSit on the ground Thinking of what life can bring Wondering if he loves me Sitting on the beach Watchin the scenery Watch the sky at night Look at the stars Holding his hand is all I can wish for He leans over me and he Kisses me gently on the lips We freeze I know what to do I kiss him back He holds me in his arms As he wispers in my ear that He never wants to leave me And that was a month ago Everything happened so fast And now we have grown apart I miss him already Time has passed It didn't last I'm sitting on the beach Watching the sunset I walk alone all the way home
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Post by Sharon on May 31, 2005 20:40:54 GMT -6
[glow=purple,2,300]only pointer i can give is... try not to put capitals on every line (to me, a capitalized letter indicates a new thought) other than that, good job [/glow]
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Post by QueenPaige4 on Jun 1, 2005 6:31:22 GMT -6
Thanks I apperciate it. Its a habit of mine to capitlize first letter in each line. Mostly because my favorite poet also did that. Emily Dickinson
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Post by allmeheart on Jun 2, 2005 8:45:26 GMT -6
good, suggestion tho, combine lines, was a little idk it just didnt flow the best
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lockely
A Devoted Distraction
i'm only happy when it rains
Posts: 109
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Post by lockely on Jun 9, 2005 4:31:12 GMT -6
[glow=black,2,300]i liked that, i found it really easy to relate to Maybe put in punctuation here and there, like a fullstop for a pause rather than a new line. But other than that, very calm and subdued, easy to read[/glow]
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Post by Only Me on Jun 14, 2005 0:50:57 GMT -6
i liked it... in fact it sort of goes along with something I wrote last September... maybe I'll look for it in my files and post it...
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