Post by Jc on Jun 17, 2005 17:21:16 GMT -6
[glow=red,2,300]I used to write... Constantly.. now that I think of it, I can't believe I passed the 8th grade. 
But I'm just getting back into it. this is just the very beginning of something I hope to be quite long and detailed. Please Do tell me what you think/feel about the piece. Remember like I said.. its just the rough beginning.
The story is about a boy named Zachary Hansen's death, the boys who killed him, and the trial that follows. [/glow]
[glow=blue]Zachary Hansen was eleven years old, he had blond hair, green eyes, and coke-bottle glasses. He had asthma, and straight A’s, and June 15th was the day he was being inducted into Tommy Richer’s club. Tommy Richer was 13, brunette, failing the 5th grade again, and mean as hell. Zachary heard rumors that Tommy was arrested when he was 8 because he was caught mutilating the neighbors chicken’s with barbed wire just because he wanted to, and it wasn’t the first time he had been arrested either. But if you wanted people to stop making fun of you, Tommy Richer was the boy you had to be friends with. Everybody respected him because if you didn’t he would beat you up and then you’d be sorry. Zachary was a cousin to the Seifert Twins who were forced to hang out with him because their Mother’s thought it would be good for Zachary to hang out with them, and it just so happened that both Adam and Sam were in Tommy’s club. So they made Tommy let him be in too. It had taken Tommy a whole week to decide how Zachary was going to be inducted. Adam said it hurt real bad, and Sam said it probably wouldn’t be worth it, but Zachary was pretty sure they were kidding. Besides it was worth it. Once the kids at school heard the Tommy Richer was his best friend, they wouldn’t give him wedgie’s or knock his books out of his hands anymore. Maybe they’d even carry his books for him. That would be nice, since he was often late to class because the weight of all his books made his asthma act up.
June 15th that year was hot and humid. Sweat was rolling down Zachary’s neck and his shirt was already soaked, the straps from his knapsack were cutting into his shoulders and it was getting hard to breathe again. He stopped his bicycle again and got off to sit in the grass outside of the library.
“Whatsa’ matter this time?” Adam groaned as he too came to a halt.
“I... can’t.. Breathe...” Zachary gasped. Sam sighed and flopped down on the grass, Tommy stopped his bike, but didn’t get off, he really wanted to get going, it was a long ride to the timbers from there and he could think of at least a dozen other things he’d rather be doing, than watch some snot-nosed kid gasp for air.
“Maybe Zach ain’t the kinda guy we want in our club. He’s already made us stop four times this morn’n and we ain’t gotten half the way there yet,” Tommy complained.
“I know, it’s just the weather, makes his lungs act weird, once he gets some of his inhaler, we can get go’n,” Adam spoke as he rummaged around in Zachary’s bag for his medicines’s, tossing a few books onto the lawn.
Zachary began puffing away on his inhaler the moment it was slapped into his hands, he gasped for a couple more minutes, and then gave a great heave of relief.
“That was close,” he murmured shoveling his belongings into his knapsack. “I just have to drop off these books, pick up two more, and then we can go,” He scooped up his books and began to waddle off in the direction of the library doors.
“Now you jus’ wait Zach. We said we wasn’t gonna stop so you can get more books,” Sam said.
“I know.. But my Mom said you could just wait, because, I know exactly which books I want and It won’t take more than five minutes,” Zachary talked over his shoulder as he kept a steady pace to the front of the building. Both Adam and Sam looked over at Tommy wearily, wondering what they should do. Rather reluctantly, Tommy stepped off his bike and tossed it into the sod, and sat down with a great plop, and pulled a half of a cigarette, and a lighter out of his pocket.
“Let ‘im go. If I’ve finished this before he gets back out, we’re leavn’,” He began to light up and Adam and Sam watched with admiring eyes.
“How long you been smok’n for?”
“Do you like it?”
“What’s it like” Adam said as he carefully came to a kneel next to him, Sam close at his heels.
“Aw hell it ain’t nuthin,” Tommy took a big drag and puffed the smoke in their faces. Both Adam and Sam coughed.
“Our Uncle Henry died from Lung cancer, Momma says its cuz he smoked, and she said if she ever caught us smok’n she’d skin us alive.”
“So we’ve always wanted to try it..”Adam stared on mercifully. “Can I have a puff?”
“Smoke your own!”
“I don’t got one!”
“Why not? Too scared to snatch one from your old man?” Tommy loved antagonizing the twins, it was like having play things, that had somewhat of their own mind.
“Naw, he quit,” Sam sighed. “Momma was so proud of him she made ‘im a big fancy dinner, and a cake with lots of chocolate icing. But he still coughs all the time. I don’t think it did ‘im any good.”
“Well.. Awright then.. Just a little one..Just a’cuz you ain’t used to it yet,” Tommy exhaled another wad of smoke and passed the butt to Adam.
Adam gave a funny sort of a look to Sam and pressed the filter to his lips, inhaling deeply. He immediately began to turn a sick green color, and then began to cough and sputter, grey smoke puffing out all the while. Shaking, he passed the butt to Sam. Sam eyed him carefully, out of both twins Sam was the more cautious of the two boys and he wasn’t about to do something as stupid. He put the end between his lips and took a very short inhale, but didn’t swallow, spitting the smoke out quickly enough that he didn’t have to taste it much. He passed the butt back to Tommy.
“It wasn’t that bad Adam, you must just be a dork.” Sam boasted. Adam glared back at him, his breath barely caught. Tommy took the last couple of drags off of the butt and crushed it out on a tree.
Zachary was already waddling halfway across the parking lot, at top speed.
“Were you guys smoking? Your Mom’s are going to kill you when they find out” Zachary exclaimed, nearly tripping over his own feet coming up on the lawn.
“Who says our Mom’s are gonna find out?” Tommy spat at him, pushing him so he fell down.
“N-n-nobody.” he stammered, shoving his books inside of his knapsack.
“That’s right. Which reminds me, I got a few rules for this club you hafta follow. Number one, you can’t tell your Mom or anybody else’s Mom what we do. If we wanna smoke we’ll smoke. If we wanna throw rocks at windows jus’ta brake ‘em. We will. Number two, no tell’n other kids who aren’t in my club what we’re do’n unless your mak’n fun of ‘em. Three, no wuss’n out, if we decide to do somethin’, everybody’s gotta do it, no matter what.” Tommy wiped his nose with a grubby finger, and crossed his arms across his chest satisfied. Zachary sat on the damp sod and contemplated this.
Boy, he’d sure hate to get into big trouble, but then again he’d also hate it if, he wasn’t in Tommy’s Club. Tommy’s dirty face smirked, he could almost hear the whirring noise coming from Zachary’s little mind, perhaps Zachary would give up and go home after all. Tommy wasn’t entirely sure what they were going to do any how.
Zachary came about to his feet slowly, heaving his knapsack over his shoulder, and dragging his bicycle off the ground, he heaved a huge sigh.
“Okay, let’s go, my mom wants me home for lunch by one,” Zachary threw one leg over his bicycle and looked around to Adam and Sam. “Ready?” Tommy looked up at the sun, it was already past ten, he doubted he’d be threw with Zachary by three or four, inwardly, he smiled. The three boys mounted their bicycles, and Tommy took the lead as they began to ride through the parking lot, pausing momentarily for a silver car to drive by. Tommy, disgusted by how slow the vehicle was moving, swerved around it, and kept his pace, Zachary however, stopped and waved. The stout woman with brown wavy hair driving the car, gave a sweet smile and returned the wave, watching as Zachary zoomed off to catch up with his friends. Of course at this time she didn't know, she would be one of the last people to see Zachary Hansen alive. [/glow]
[glow=red,2,300]please feel free to leave comments[/glow]
But I'm just getting back into it. this is just the very beginning of something I hope to be quite long and detailed. Please Do tell me what you think/feel about the piece. Remember like I said.. its just the rough beginning. The story is about a boy named Zachary Hansen's death, the boys who killed him, and the trial that follows. [/glow]
[glow=blue]Zachary Hansen was eleven years old, he had blond hair, green eyes, and coke-bottle glasses. He had asthma, and straight A’s, and June 15th was the day he was being inducted into Tommy Richer’s club. Tommy Richer was 13, brunette, failing the 5th grade again, and mean as hell. Zachary heard rumors that Tommy was arrested when he was 8 because he was caught mutilating the neighbors chicken’s with barbed wire just because he wanted to, and it wasn’t the first time he had been arrested either. But if you wanted people to stop making fun of you, Tommy Richer was the boy you had to be friends with. Everybody respected him because if you didn’t he would beat you up and then you’d be sorry. Zachary was a cousin to the Seifert Twins who were forced to hang out with him because their Mother’s thought it would be good for Zachary to hang out with them, and it just so happened that both Adam and Sam were in Tommy’s club. So they made Tommy let him be in too. It had taken Tommy a whole week to decide how Zachary was going to be inducted. Adam said it hurt real bad, and Sam said it probably wouldn’t be worth it, but Zachary was pretty sure they were kidding. Besides it was worth it. Once the kids at school heard the Tommy Richer was his best friend, they wouldn’t give him wedgie’s or knock his books out of his hands anymore. Maybe they’d even carry his books for him. That would be nice, since he was often late to class because the weight of all his books made his asthma act up.
June 15th that year was hot and humid. Sweat was rolling down Zachary’s neck and his shirt was already soaked, the straps from his knapsack were cutting into his shoulders and it was getting hard to breathe again. He stopped his bicycle again and got off to sit in the grass outside of the library.
“Whatsa’ matter this time?” Adam groaned as he too came to a halt.
“I... can’t.. Breathe...” Zachary gasped. Sam sighed and flopped down on the grass, Tommy stopped his bike, but didn’t get off, he really wanted to get going, it was a long ride to the timbers from there and he could think of at least a dozen other things he’d rather be doing, than watch some snot-nosed kid gasp for air.
“Maybe Zach ain’t the kinda guy we want in our club. He’s already made us stop four times this morn’n and we ain’t gotten half the way there yet,” Tommy complained.
“I know, it’s just the weather, makes his lungs act weird, once he gets some of his inhaler, we can get go’n,” Adam spoke as he rummaged around in Zachary’s bag for his medicines’s, tossing a few books onto the lawn.
Zachary began puffing away on his inhaler the moment it was slapped into his hands, he gasped for a couple more minutes, and then gave a great heave of relief.
“That was close,” he murmured shoveling his belongings into his knapsack. “I just have to drop off these books, pick up two more, and then we can go,” He scooped up his books and began to waddle off in the direction of the library doors.
“Now you jus’ wait Zach. We said we wasn’t gonna stop so you can get more books,” Sam said.
“I know.. But my Mom said you could just wait, because, I know exactly which books I want and It won’t take more than five minutes,” Zachary talked over his shoulder as he kept a steady pace to the front of the building. Both Adam and Sam looked over at Tommy wearily, wondering what they should do. Rather reluctantly, Tommy stepped off his bike and tossed it into the sod, and sat down with a great plop, and pulled a half of a cigarette, and a lighter out of his pocket.
“Let ‘im go. If I’ve finished this before he gets back out, we’re leavn’,” He began to light up and Adam and Sam watched with admiring eyes.
“How long you been smok’n for?”
“Do you like it?”
“What’s it like” Adam said as he carefully came to a kneel next to him, Sam close at his heels.
“Aw hell it ain’t nuthin,” Tommy took a big drag and puffed the smoke in their faces. Both Adam and Sam coughed.
“Our Uncle Henry died from Lung cancer, Momma says its cuz he smoked, and she said if she ever caught us smok’n she’d skin us alive.”
“So we’ve always wanted to try it..”Adam stared on mercifully. “Can I have a puff?”
“Smoke your own!”
“I don’t got one!”
“Why not? Too scared to snatch one from your old man?” Tommy loved antagonizing the twins, it was like having play things, that had somewhat of their own mind.
“Naw, he quit,” Sam sighed. “Momma was so proud of him she made ‘im a big fancy dinner, and a cake with lots of chocolate icing. But he still coughs all the time. I don’t think it did ‘im any good.”
“Well.. Awright then.. Just a little one..Just a’cuz you ain’t used to it yet,” Tommy exhaled another wad of smoke and passed the butt to Adam.
Adam gave a funny sort of a look to Sam and pressed the filter to his lips, inhaling deeply. He immediately began to turn a sick green color, and then began to cough and sputter, grey smoke puffing out all the while. Shaking, he passed the butt to Sam. Sam eyed him carefully, out of both twins Sam was the more cautious of the two boys and he wasn’t about to do something as stupid. He put the end between his lips and took a very short inhale, but didn’t swallow, spitting the smoke out quickly enough that he didn’t have to taste it much. He passed the butt back to Tommy.
“It wasn’t that bad Adam, you must just be a dork.” Sam boasted. Adam glared back at him, his breath barely caught. Tommy took the last couple of drags off of the butt and crushed it out on a tree.
Zachary was already waddling halfway across the parking lot, at top speed.
“Were you guys smoking? Your Mom’s are going to kill you when they find out” Zachary exclaimed, nearly tripping over his own feet coming up on the lawn.
“Who says our Mom’s are gonna find out?” Tommy spat at him, pushing him so he fell down.
“N-n-nobody.” he stammered, shoving his books inside of his knapsack.
“That’s right. Which reminds me, I got a few rules for this club you hafta follow. Number one, you can’t tell your Mom or anybody else’s Mom what we do. If we wanna smoke we’ll smoke. If we wanna throw rocks at windows jus’ta brake ‘em. We will. Number two, no tell’n other kids who aren’t in my club what we’re do’n unless your mak’n fun of ‘em. Three, no wuss’n out, if we decide to do somethin’, everybody’s gotta do it, no matter what.” Tommy wiped his nose with a grubby finger, and crossed his arms across his chest satisfied. Zachary sat on the damp sod and contemplated this.
Boy, he’d sure hate to get into big trouble, but then again he’d also hate it if, he wasn’t in Tommy’s Club. Tommy’s dirty face smirked, he could almost hear the whirring noise coming from Zachary’s little mind, perhaps Zachary would give up and go home after all. Tommy wasn’t entirely sure what they were going to do any how.
Zachary came about to his feet slowly, heaving his knapsack over his shoulder, and dragging his bicycle off the ground, he heaved a huge sigh.
“Okay, let’s go, my mom wants me home for lunch by one,” Zachary threw one leg over his bicycle and looked around to Adam and Sam. “Ready?” Tommy looked up at the sun, it was already past ten, he doubted he’d be threw with Zachary by three or four, inwardly, he smiled. The three boys mounted their bicycles, and Tommy took the lead as they began to ride through the parking lot, pausing momentarily for a silver car to drive by. Tommy, disgusted by how slow the vehicle was moving, swerved around it, and kept his pace, Zachary however, stopped and waved. The stout woman with brown wavy hair driving the car, gave a sweet smile and returned the wave, watching as Zachary zoomed off to catch up with his friends. Of course at this time she didn't know, she would be one of the last people to see Zachary Hansen alive. [/glow]
[glow=red,2,300]please feel free to leave comments[/glow]
Good job, encore I say.
