Post by Absinthe on Aug 22, 2005 7:32:43 GMT -6
[glow=black,2,300]This is a story I started working on and have later parts written. It was originally supposed ot be my first novel. I know, quite ambitious, right? But, I doubt this will ever be published, so I figured I would get your guys' opinions on it. I would love to hear what you think, criticism and all.
Untitled: Chapter 1
“I think that’s everything,” Mara Weaver sighed, examining the overloaded vehicle. She shook her head, causing her long auburn locks to shift violently, at the fact that everything she owned – all of her material possessions, fit neatly within the old, beat-up Grand-AM. She’d purchased it off of “Mr. Automobile” for five hundred dollars three weeks before. The short, balding man had winked at her flirtatiously, saying “’Dis car. It will be great for you. She ain’t a bad hunk ‘a metal.”
“Ain’t a great hunk ‘a metal either” Mara thought sarcastically eyeing it carefully. The muffler was virtually destroyed and the body was dented beyond repair. The front fender was barely hanging on and looked as if it was held in place by duct tape, but she supposed that the car ran well enough. Besides, being a part-time waitress at a greasy sp-o-o-ns diner called “Fatty’s” didn’t exactly allow for the purchase of a luxury vehicle. Mara looked at the car and again sighed. Rust had eaten its way half way up the side of the passenger side door and the driver’s side window was cracked. She couldn’t believe that she was about to travel cross-country in “The Key to my Demise”, as she affectionately called the car sitting before her.
Wiping the sweat from her brow, she took a seat on the front step of the apartment building she’d called home for the past four years. It was an old, poorly maintenance building in the lower-class section of LA. The pink exterior of the Sandy Shores apartment building was chipping and dirty. Mara, resting her head in her hands, looked out across the heavily pot-holed street at the run-down, broken homes and buildings she’d studied so many times before. She was so absorbed in tracing the cracks in the step with her feet that she barely noticed someone coming outside until she felt their heavy form settle beside her. She looked up to find the pale blue eyes of her best friend and moving helper, Josh fixed on her. She looked back down at her feet as he began to speak.
“How are you feeling?” He asked in his silky smooth southern accent. The blue-eyed wanna-be actor was a fine southern gentleman. Josh Sanford had been born and raised on his parents ranch in Texas. He was the youngest of eight children and the only of five sons who’d turned down the family business to seek a better life for himself.
He and Mara had met when Mara was working one day, about three years before. She was waiting on him and he had asked her out on a date. The date had gone miserably, but out of it came a lasting friendship. Now he sat, studying her carefully as she breathed heavily, obviously deep in thought. She sighed again before returning his gaze.
“I’m not sure how I’m feeling.” She said slowly. “I mean, I haven’t seen or spoken to my family since I was fifteen and now what? Am I supposed to just expect them to welcome me home with open arms six years later?” She shook her head, trying to find the right words. “I’m just not sure this is the right thing to do.”
“Mar, listen to me.” He placed his hand on her cheek, forcing her to look at him. “You have to see your family again. They need to know that you are all right. C’mon girl, don’t you want Jonah to know his family?” A tear ran silently down Mara’s cheek and she nodded.
“You’re right.” She said after a moment. “Why are you always right?” She chuckled softly and smiled at Josh, giving him a firm hug. “I’m going to miss you, Josh”
“I’ll miss you too, Mar. I mean, what am I supposed to do without my toughest critic, huh?” He flashed a bright smile and Mara reached over and mussed up his dirty blond hair. They laughed for a moment, before Josh stood up, offering his hand to Mara. “I’m going in to grab a drink. C’mon.” She took his hand and followed him inside.
They made their way up the four flights of stairs to her floor. The wall papering in the stairwell was a hideous shade of orange-brown taken straight out of the seventies. It had begun to peel and turn even more displeasing shades of brown years before, but being a fairly low-class building, the manager hadn’t bothered fixing it. The concrete steps were cracked and dirty, just like the building’s exterior and the railing was rusted and barely bolted anymore.
Finally, they made it to the fourth floor landing. Josh opened the baby gate in the doorway as he and Mara stepped through. The hallway was papered in the same appalling wallpaper as the stairwell. Beneath their feet, the old and decrepit carpeting screamed to be washed or replaced. Mara studied the worn doors, grasping desperately to their hinges and decided that taking herself and Jonah out of this place was by far the best thing she could do. They came upon a green door, different from all of the rest and Mara smiled as they went through into the apartment she’d occupied for so long.
A heavyset Hispanic woman, with graying hair was sitting in front of a small black and white television set knitting the finishing touches on what looked to be a small blanket, rocking gently in her old wooden rocking chair. She turned a round aged face to the door when it closed and smiled. She got up and walked laboriously over to where Mara stood, taking in the apartment for one last time. Mara turned her attention to the woman in front of her and tried to smile as tears formed in her eyes for what had to be the hundredth time that day.
“Are you all set?” the woman asked slowly. Mara nodded and sighed.
“Yeah, Juanita. I think I got everything” She wordlessly pulled Juanita into a hug and the two embraced for a long moment, neither willing to hold back their tears any longer. Juanita had been everything for Mara in the past four years and standing there, hugging the kind, motherly woman, Mara began to doubt that leaving was the right thing to do. They pulled apart and Juanita looked over Mara’s appearance. Her vibrant green eyes were red and puffy from crying.
“Don’t you cry no more.” Juanita told her. “You has to do this. It is right and you know it. Now, no more crying. You go get that baby of yours off my bed and get your scrawny butt moving.” Mara laughed, wiping tears from her cheek. Juanita always knew how to get her spirits up. Mara hugged her again quickly and walked off into Juanita’s bedroom. She stopped at the sight of her two-year-old son, Jonah, sleeping peacefully. Slight tufts of strawberry hair were sticking up all over his head and he had his thumb tucked peacefully between his lips. Mara sat down and stroked his cheek lightly. As she sat there, the smell of lavender perfume filled her nostrils – Juanita’s favorite scent. She began to remember her first encounter with Juanita four long years before.
Mara had stumbled into the free clinic where Juanita worked as a nurse, in really bad shape, one hot LA afternoon. She’d been living on the streets for some time and had been pretty much starving herself of food, due to lack of funds. Juanita had been the attending nurse and had immediately tended to Mara, who nearly collapsed into her arms. For some reason, Juanita had taken a liking to Mara and once she was well enough and eating again, Juanita invited the then sixteen-year-old to stay with her at her small apartment, at least until she got back on her feet. Well, that was five years ago and Juanita had taken Mara off of the streets, given her a place to stay, helped her out when Jonah was born and even gotten her a job and a place of her own.
Mara was ever thankful for Juanita’s kindness and thought of Juanita as a mother. She dreaded leaving and perhaps never again seeing the kind woman she had grown to know and love. Juanita, however, had fully supported Mara’s decision to leave and return to her family. She had after all, been away from them for six years. They didn’t even know if she was dead or alive, let alone that she had a baby boy and a newfound attitude toward life. Mara sighed heavily and then moved to the side of the bed, gently picking up Jonah, so as not to wake him. He stirred slightly, his big green eyes fluttering open, but soon settled back into slumber in his mother’s arms.
“Is you all ready then?” Juanita asked quietly when Mara entered the living room carrying Jonah. Mara nodded, taking another sad look around the apartment. “You is needing to be going home. Your family must be worrying over you all these years.”
“It’s not home.” Mara corrected. “It’s just a place I once lived and it’s where my biological family lives, but right here,” she gestured around the room with her free hand carefully. “This is where my heart lies. Here, with you guys.” A silent tear rolled down her cheek as she walked over to Juanita, giving her a soft hug, trying not to wake Jonah. Juanita pulled away, tears glistening in her eyes. She softly tucked a piece of strawberry hair behind Jonahs little ear and kissed him gently on the top of his head.
“I will miss you two, but it is for the best.” Juanita said quietly, stepping back, allowing Josh to pull Mara into a warm embrace. He took Jonah carefully from Mara’s arms and silently left the room, leaving Mara and Juanita alone for a moment. The two again embraced each other tightly, not wanting to let go. Their tears flowed freely and the goodbye seemed never ending, until finally one of them pulled away.
“I love you Juanita. Thank you for everything.” Mara said, giving Juanita another quick hug before heading out the door and through the hall, down the stairs, to her car. Josh had put Jonah into his car seat and was loading a few remaining items into the trunk when Mara came out. Once he was finished, he walked over to her and smiled weakly.
“I guess you are all set, then.” He said slowly.
“Yeah. I guess I am.” They stood for a moment in silence. “I’m going to miss you like crazy, you know that, right?”
“How could you not miss me, Mar?” Josh said smiling. Mara laughed softly. “C’mere, girl” He pulled her into a hug and she rested her head in the crook of his neck, just breathing in his scent, wanting to remember it always. Josh simply stroked her hair lightly, occasionally kissing the top of her head lightly.
Mara pulled away a little while later and sighed for what had to be the thousandth time that day. “I guess I should be going if I want beat traffic.”
“Yeah, you probably should. Good luck with everything and call me as soon as you get there.” Josh said, sounding like the big brother that Mara saw him as.
“Don’t worry. I will. Goodbye, Josh and thank you, for everything.” With that, Mara got into her car, buckled her seatbelt, checked the mirrors and began to drive away, watching Josh wave in her rearview mirror. After a minute, he shrank away into the distance and it finally hit her. She was going to see her family again after six years and not a single word. The reality of the situation began to sink in and her nerves began to come upon her, but it was too late to turn back. She had to be strong. After all, how badly could a simple family reunion go?
End of chapter 1.....what do you think? Would you like more? [/glow]
Untitled: Chapter 1
“I think that’s everything,” Mara Weaver sighed, examining the overloaded vehicle. She shook her head, causing her long auburn locks to shift violently, at the fact that everything she owned – all of her material possessions, fit neatly within the old, beat-up Grand-AM. She’d purchased it off of “Mr. Automobile” for five hundred dollars three weeks before. The short, balding man had winked at her flirtatiously, saying “’Dis car. It will be great for you. She ain’t a bad hunk ‘a metal.”
“Ain’t a great hunk ‘a metal either” Mara thought sarcastically eyeing it carefully. The muffler was virtually destroyed and the body was dented beyond repair. The front fender was barely hanging on and looked as if it was held in place by duct tape, but she supposed that the car ran well enough. Besides, being a part-time waitress at a greasy sp-o-o-ns diner called “Fatty’s” didn’t exactly allow for the purchase of a luxury vehicle. Mara looked at the car and again sighed. Rust had eaten its way half way up the side of the passenger side door and the driver’s side window was cracked. She couldn’t believe that she was about to travel cross-country in “The Key to my Demise”, as she affectionately called the car sitting before her.
Wiping the sweat from her brow, she took a seat on the front step of the apartment building she’d called home for the past four years. It was an old, poorly maintenance building in the lower-class section of LA. The pink exterior of the Sandy Shores apartment building was chipping and dirty. Mara, resting her head in her hands, looked out across the heavily pot-holed street at the run-down, broken homes and buildings she’d studied so many times before. She was so absorbed in tracing the cracks in the step with her feet that she barely noticed someone coming outside until she felt their heavy form settle beside her. She looked up to find the pale blue eyes of her best friend and moving helper, Josh fixed on her. She looked back down at her feet as he began to speak.
“How are you feeling?” He asked in his silky smooth southern accent. The blue-eyed wanna-be actor was a fine southern gentleman. Josh Sanford had been born and raised on his parents ranch in Texas. He was the youngest of eight children and the only of five sons who’d turned down the family business to seek a better life for himself.
He and Mara had met when Mara was working one day, about three years before. She was waiting on him and he had asked her out on a date. The date had gone miserably, but out of it came a lasting friendship. Now he sat, studying her carefully as she breathed heavily, obviously deep in thought. She sighed again before returning his gaze.
“I’m not sure how I’m feeling.” She said slowly. “I mean, I haven’t seen or spoken to my family since I was fifteen and now what? Am I supposed to just expect them to welcome me home with open arms six years later?” She shook her head, trying to find the right words. “I’m just not sure this is the right thing to do.”
“Mar, listen to me.” He placed his hand on her cheek, forcing her to look at him. “You have to see your family again. They need to know that you are all right. C’mon girl, don’t you want Jonah to know his family?” A tear ran silently down Mara’s cheek and she nodded.
“You’re right.” She said after a moment. “Why are you always right?” She chuckled softly and smiled at Josh, giving him a firm hug. “I’m going to miss you, Josh”
“I’ll miss you too, Mar. I mean, what am I supposed to do without my toughest critic, huh?” He flashed a bright smile and Mara reached over and mussed up his dirty blond hair. They laughed for a moment, before Josh stood up, offering his hand to Mara. “I’m going in to grab a drink. C’mon.” She took his hand and followed him inside.
They made their way up the four flights of stairs to her floor. The wall papering in the stairwell was a hideous shade of orange-brown taken straight out of the seventies. It had begun to peel and turn even more displeasing shades of brown years before, but being a fairly low-class building, the manager hadn’t bothered fixing it. The concrete steps were cracked and dirty, just like the building’s exterior and the railing was rusted and barely bolted anymore.
Finally, they made it to the fourth floor landing. Josh opened the baby gate in the doorway as he and Mara stepped through. The hallway was papered in the same appalling wallpaper as the stairwell. Beneath their feet, the old and decrepit carpeting screamed to be washed or replaced. Mara studied the worn doors, grasping desperately to their hinges and decided that taking herself and Jonah out of this place was by far the best thing she could do. They came upon a green door, different from all of the rest and Mara smiled as they went through into the apartment she’d occupied for so long.
A heavyset Hispanic woman, with graying hair was sitting in front of a small black and white television set knitting the finishing touches on what looked to be a small blanket, rocking gently in her old wooden rocking chair. She turned a round aged face to the door when it closed and smiled. She got up and walked laboriously over to where Mara stood, taking in the apartment for one last time. Mara turned her attention to the woman in front of her and tried to smile as tears formed in her eyes for what had to be the hundredth time that day.
“Are you all set?” the woman asked slowly. Mara nodded and sighed.
“Yeah, Juanita. I think I got everything” She wordlessly pulled Juanita into a hug and the two embraced for a long moment, neither willing to hold back their tears any longer. Juanita had been everything for Mara in the past four years and standing there, hugging the kind, motherly woman, Mara began to doubt that leaving was the right thing to do. They pulled apart and Juanita looked over Mara’s appearance. Her vibrant green eyes were red and puffy from crying.
“Don’t you cry no more.” Juanita told her. “You has to do this. It is right and you know it. Now, no more crying. You go get that baby of yours off my bed and get your scrawny butt moving.” Mara laughed, wiping tears from her cheek. Juanita always knew how to get her spirits up. Mara hugged her again quickly and walked off into Juanita’s bedroom. She stopped at the sight of her two-year-old son, Jonah, sleeping peacefully. Slight tufts of strawberry hair were sticking up all over his head and he had his thumb tucked peacefully between his lips. Mara sat down and stroked his cheek lightly. As she sat there, the smell of lavender perfume filled her nostrils – Juanita’s favorite scent. She began to remember her first encounter with Juanita four long years before.
Mara had stumbled into the free clinic where Juanita worked as a nurse, in really bad shape, one hot LA afternoon. She’d been living on the streets for some time and had been pretty much starving herself of food, due to lack of funds. Juanita had been the attending nurse and had immediately tended to Mara, who nearly collapsed into her arms. For some reason, Juanita had taken a liking to Mara and once she was well enough and eating again, Juanita invited the then sixteen-year-old to stay with her at her small apartment, at least until she got back on her feet. Well, that was five years ago and Juanita had taken Mara off of the streets, given her a place to stay, helped her out when Jonah was born and even gotten her a job and a place of her own.
Mara was ever thankful for Juanita’s kindness and thought of Juanita as a mother. She dreaded leaving and perhaps never again seeing the kind woman she had grown to know and love. Juanita, however, had fully supported Mara’s decision to leave and return to her family. She had after all, been away from them for six years. They didn’t even know if she was dead or alive, let alone that she had a baby boy and a newfound attitude toward life. Mara sighed heavily and then moved to the side of the bed, gently picking up Jonah, so as not to wake him. He stirred slightly, his big green eyes fluttering open, but soon settled back into slumber in his mother’s arms.
“Is you all ready then?” Juanita asked quietly when Mara entered the living room carrying Jonah. Mara nodded, taking another sad look around the apartment. “You is needing to be going home. Your family must be worrying over you all these years.”
“It’s not home.” Mara corrected. “It’s just a place I once lived and it’s where my biological family lives, but right here,” she gestured around the room with her free hand carefully. “This is where my heart lies. Here, with you guys.” A silent tear rolled down her cheek as she walked over to Juanita, giving her a soft hug, trying not to wake Jonah. Juanita pulled away, tears glistening in her eyes. She softly tucked a piece of strawberry hair behind Jonahs little ear and kissed him gently on the top of his head.
“I will miss you two, but it is for the best.” Juanita said quietly, stepping back, allowing Josh to pull Mara into a warm embrace. He took Jonah carefully from Mara’s arms and silently left the room, leaving Mara and Juanita alone for a moment. The two again embraced each other tightly, not wanting to let go. Their tears flowed freely and the goodbye seemed never ending, until finally one of them pulled away.
“I love you Juanita. Thank you for everything.” Mara said, giving Juanita another quick hug before heading out the door and through the hall, down the stairs, to her car. Josh had put Jonah into his car seat and was loading a few remaining items into the trunk when Mara came out. Once he was finished, he walked over to her and smiled weakly.
“I guess you are all set, then.” He said slowly.
“Yeah. I guess I am.” They stood for a moment in silence. “I’m going to miss you like crazy, you know that, right?”
“How could you not miss me, Mar?” Josh said smiling. Mara laughed softly. “C’mere, girl” He pulled her into a hug and she rested her head in the crook of his neck, just breathing in his scent, wanting to remember it always. Josh simply stroked her hair lightly, occasionally kissing the top of her head lightly.
Mara pulled away a little while later and sighed for what had to be the thousandth time that day. “I guess I should be going if I want beat traffic.”
“Yeah, you probably should. Good luck with everything and call me as soon as you get there.” Josh said, sounding like the big brother that Mara saw him as.
“Don’t worry. I will. Goodbye, Josh and thank you, for everything.” With that, Mara got into her car, buckled her seatbelt, checked the mirrors and began to drive away, watching Josh wave in her rearview mirror. After a minute, he shrank away into the distance and it finally hit her. She was going to see her family again after six years and not a single word. The reality of the situation began to sink in and her nerves began to come upon her, but it was too late to turn back. She had to be strong. After all, how badly could a simple family reunion go?
End of chapter 1.....what do you think? Would you like more? [/glow]
...and i wonder why we can't post sthingys (s-p-o-o-n-s) geez...
