The Soul Has Gotten Darker

[StrangeLoop]

This is my first story on this site...so it might not be good. But, after you read it, just tell me your honest opinion.


Craig actually was looking forward to the dance that night. He hadn't seen Randie, his crush, in weeks, and he knew she would be there. He never could have imagined how far he'd go for love...

As Craig entered the dark auditorium, he was greeted by the blinding flash of a camera.
"I hate it when you do that", he said to his friend, Abe, who had taken a picture of him.
"Lighten up", said Abe.
Craig rolled his eyes and walked away. He sat at a table, where he was greeted again by Abe.
"Dude", he said, "do you know where Randie is?"
Graig turned a bright red, which luckily wasn't visible in the dark.
"No....no, I don't. And why do you want to know?" Graig was afraid of what Abe's answer was going to be.
"First of all," said Abe, "I wanted to know because I haven't seen her in a while...she is my friend, too. And second of all, there is no need to get defensive...she's never going to like you."
Graig didn't know whether to throw a chair at him or just walk away. Abe's comment was the last straw. He was sick of people saying that Randie would never like him. He was sick of his supposed "friends" all saying the same thing...
"Craig?"
"Shut up, Abe. Just leave me alone. I'm not going to take that crap from one of my 'friends'." Craig was satisfied with his comeback. He was especially happy with his finger quotations on the word "friend".
"Whatever man. Keep dreaming." Abe walked away, also satisfied with his comeback.
As Graig sat there, feeling stupid for not getting the last word in, he noticed Randie walk into the auditorium. He wanted to jump up and run to her, but he kept sitting. He thought that maybe Randie would and sit by him. Maybe.
To his surprise, Randie walked right over to him.
"Oh my God, hey Craig! I haven't seen you in forever!", said Randie, as she gave Graig a huge hug. Craig's eyes closed, and he smelled Randie's hair.
"Don't let go", he whispered.
"What?"
Craig's eyes shot open. What was he going to say?
"I didn't say anything...you must be crazy..." He laughed, and so did Randie.
Craig stopped laughing as he saw Abe approaching. He poked Randie's side, and she jumped up, turned around, and gave him a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek.
Craig forced a smile, and with a sense of sarcasm in his voice said, "Dude, where's my kiss?". Randie turned around and frowned.
"Didn't anybody tell you?", she said, "Abe and I are going out. I thought you knew..."
Craig immediately looked at Abe. Abe looked down, then looked back up at Craig.
"I didn't want you to have your heart broken.."
"How do you think I feel now?" Craig stormed off, and left the auditorium. He ran to his friend, Alysha's house, with tears in his eyes. He pounded on her door, and she answered.
"What's wrong?", she asked.
"Do you have a joint?" asked Craig.
"You don't do that st-" was all she got out.
Craig got impatient, and said, "Steal one from your sister's room." Alysha let him in the house, and he smoked...a lot. He was not the kind of guy who would, however. His soul got darker that night. He could feel it.
Love can make us do crazy things.

[NotSoPerfect]

nice.

[allmeheart]

great wording, really good story line, only thing i would have changed was the ending where you kind of cut it off, i think more details could improve this, other than that, great job, keep writing, can't wait to read more of your work

[Sharon]

[glow=purple,2,300]Honest opinion right? Here is my opinion on the character Craig: Sounded like Craig was really pathetic. Sure, it’s sometimes adorable and almost admirable when a guy is not ashamed to cry but I mean, c’mon. Running with tears in his eyes and the whole quoting friends thing with his fingers thing?

My opinion on your writing, it’s not horrible. I think that if you stick with writing, seek critiques, and follow the ones you think make sense, you’re writing will improve and go places. I didn’t really like the Craig character (maybe that was your intention for your readers? Oh by the way, you might want to go back and change some “G’s” to “C’s” because Craig was sometimes Graig.) I’d really like to see like a part two type thing where he grows up a little. You know what I mean? It’s a killer intro, this guy named Craig is a complete loser, works out gains self-esteem, and matures… I’d love to see something like that but it’s just an idea, you can work a lot with what you have here. Just like with anything else, you can make it happen, you just got to have the right drive and inspiration.

Keep writing, just like the cliché goes “Practice makes perfect!” although, i don't believe one can completely make their writing perfect, but i do believe one's writing can always be better.[/glow]

[Only Me]

I feel like something is being left out... like the whole story isn't being told. Good start though...

[Xanthic Flower]

[glow=red,2,300]I think you should make a part II.. it was pretty good, but it seemed unfinished.. also, you call the same character Craig and Graig.. that confused me, but it was just a typo.[/glow]

[Absinthe]

Hmm...I would definitely agree with what Sharon said. Your characters are really flat. They have no depth, no history. I think you do have potential, though, if you just keep at it. My advice for better characters would be:

Before you write a story, think about the characters. Who are they? Where do they come from? that type of thing. You should think of a background for each character. Each one should have his or her own history. Even if they are only going to be in the story for a scene or two, it will make them more real to you, therefore making you write them more in depth...as round characters.

I think that if you keep trying and work on your characterization a bit, as well as detail, you would definitely improve.

[endlessharmony]

You know, I think you should have developed the character Craig more. And what Randie did wasn't that hurtful. I mean, would a normal guy just cry because he thinks a girl would never like him? Something should happen to make him angry, something big. And when you talk about him smoking pot, its really not THAT bad. I mean, I would never do it, but come on. How many kids do you know that do it? Right? So he should do something worse than that, because the end was kind of unfufilling.