dancing in the rain.....

[endlessharmony]

This is a super rough draft, I just wrote it up in my journal last night before I went to sleep, so I know it needs a lot of work. And the title will definitely be original, not that crummy one. But for now, I just need critiques and pointers. Thanks.

Gushing down, they engulfed the young woman in her entirety. Complex drops of hazy illusions, they caused brilliant rainbows, yet cast sinister clouds. Funny, those drops. They signified hostile substances, each side battling to win the war of illumination.

Yet, that was the beauty of it. Which way would it turn? To the light or dark side of the mountain? The young woman didn’t know. She never did. But when those dark clouds rolled in to start a battle, ran to them; to her home.

It was only a matter of time before the battle would move on. As thunder struck, she ventured to the darkness outside, laying herself in the street. She left her head facing towards the heavens, daring the drops to create a barrier of liquid around her.

Each angelic drop mystified her soul. She was independent, free from her thoughts, her worries, her pains. They could not touch her now. No, the valiant drops had chased them away. All that was left of her was her celestial frame, her beautiful mind, and the drops that now clung to her skin.

And just when it seemed like her body would be flooded with the beads of heaven, she sprang to her feet, and she danced.

Yes, those pure moments of bliss; dancing in the rain. Every which way she turned, leapt, sprang. Life whirled around her as each drop left its mark on her body, claiming its home. She stretched out her arms, craving for more as she captured them, one by one in her hands. Her body was now that of a bird- light, fluttering, and free.

And then she spun. And spun. And spun.

Around she went as the drops chased her in a childish game of tag. Her hair whirled around, sticking to her face with its cold deliquescence.

She was completely unrestrained now. Nothing existed but her and those drops. She continued to spin until she twirled herself into a daze of hysterical laughter, and found herself on the ground with her world upside down and those beautiful drops.

And then it stopped.

This time, the rainbow had won the battle. But those drops would be back for another chance. Yes, they would be back. And she would be waiting.

[Sharon]

[glow=purple,2,300]*claps* i liked that ;D critiques and pointers you say? i'll try. [/glow]

Gushing down, they engulfed the young woman in her entirety. Complex drops of hazy illusions, they caused brilliant rainbows, yet cast sinister clouds. Funny, those drops. They signified hostile substances, each side battling to win the war of illumination.

[glow=purple,2,300]loved your use of vocabulary be careful of your tenses though. [/glow]

Yet, that was the beauty of it. Which way would it turn? To the light or dark side of the mountain? The young woman didn’t know. She never did. But when those dark clouds rolled in to start a battle, ran to them; to her home.

[glow=purple,2,300]My previous english teacher would butcher this paragraph lol but you said what you wanted to say and that's all that matters to me. [/glow]

It was only a matter of time before the battle would move on. As thunder struck, she ventured to the darkness outside, laying herself in the street. She left her head facing towards the heavens, daring the drops to create a barrier of liquid around her.

[glow=purple,2,300]can almost feel the rain myself. (it's so hot right now, i would love for it to rain over here)[/glow]

Each angelic drop mystified her soul. She was independent, free from her thoughts, her worries, her pains. They could not touch her now. No, the valiant drops had chased them away. All that was left of her was her celestial frame, her beautiful mind, and the drops that now clung to her skin.

[glow=purple,2,300]i love the visionary.[/glow]

And just when it seemed like her body would be flooded with the beads of heaven, she sprang to her feet, and she danced.

Yes, those pure moments of bliss; dancing in the rain. Every which way she turned, leapt, sprang. Life whirled around her as each drop left its mark on her body, claiming its home. She stretched out her arms, craving for more as she captured them, one by one in her hands. Her body was now that of a bird- light, fluttering, and free.

[glow=purple,2,300]...she sounds so free... [/glow]

And then she spun. And spun. And spun.

Around she went as the drops chased her in a childish game of tag. Her hair whirled around, sticking to her face with its cold deliquescence.

She was completely unrestrained now. Nothing existed but her and those drops. She continued to spin until she twirled herself into a daze of hysterical laughter, and found herself on the ground with her world upside down and those beautiful drops.

[glow=purple,2,300]this part reminds me of times when i wish i could be 5 again, not caring about anything... not knowing anything about drama, hardship, or problems.[/glow]

And then it stopped.

This time, the rainbow had won the battle. But those drops would be back for another chance. Yes, they would be back. And she would be waiting.

[glow=purple,2,300]i loved the finality here. yeah i know i didn't give you much critique, sorry

thank you so much for sharing this with us. it was an enjoyable read. [/glow]

[Absinthe]

That was. . . . . . .beautiful. It's the only word I can really think to describe it. The images it provoked were breathtaking. It makes me want to drop everything to find a rainstorm and lose myself in it.

I love this. I really do. You definitely weaved an amazing dream-like innocence here.

Fantastic job.

[endlessharmony]

Thanks to both of you. And Sharon, thanks for all the helpful insight. I'll definitely check that stuff out.

[allmeheart]

im speechless, so much imagery....wow, this is something that should be published