Post by The Sightless Dreamer on Jun 2, 2005 21:55:36 GMT -6
Warning... tear jerker
Saying Goodbye
To Him
It was a warm day and the ground was still wet from previous rain, but the sun shown bright and clear. The sun was high in the sky until my dad showed up. It was October 4, 2003, and like any other Saturday I was waiting impatiently for my dad to show up. My dad finally arrived and I ran down to the car to greet him. When I got to the car, I sat down and looked at him. His eyes were blood shot red, filled with pain, and tiredness. I looked at him, and that is where my nightmare began.
I asked him what was wrong and he told me that Brian had commit suicide. I said “Oh, my Gawd.” and looked at him, I was in total shock. I could not breathe and I was questioning whether or not I was awake or even alive. I was caught between reality and fairy tales, real and unreal. I didn’t know what to think. I did not really want to think as far as I was considered. I got out of the car and I fell down in the grass. There in the grass I cried for a long while until we went to leave. I knew when the tears were coming. I felt them in my chest, and I held them down for as long as I could and then they just took a hold of me and so I finally gave in and let them consume me. I swear to you on to this day that I wanted to sit there and die. I never wanted to get back up.
I had recently lost an uncle to suicide. I lost my uncle January 25, 2003. As you can see the deaths were less than a year apart. My uncle’s death was not as hard, because I knew that when my uncle died he was in a lot of pain and he knew that it was his time to go, but when my brother died that is a different story. I barley knew my uncle. I had lived with my brother. It hurt worse because of that. Around and in between both these times we found out that there was no chance for one of my aunts to live and that she would soon die of cancer. So three people close to me were either dead or were going to be dead.
Brian was an awesome person. He was about 6ft. and had blonde hair. He had the kind of hair that glistened in the sun. He had blue green eyes that change time to time. He was a sk8r dude he had numerous boards at the funeral. Brian was a funny likable person. You either hated him or you loved him. Many people that I go to school with now knew Brian but they didn’t know that I was related to him until they saw me at the funeral. Now more people respect me, and what I say. They listen closer when I mention his name. Brian was well respected and he lives on.
The funeral was held that Thursday and it was the hardest day of my life. The day was filled with pain tears and sadness, but most of all pain. I walked up to the funeral home and my step mom was out front and she told us that she could not go into the funeral home for more than a few minutes at a time. She told us that there were some balloons in the lobby area and we could sign them. I signed six balloons. All of them saying something different. On one I wrote, “sk8 on every cloud” on another, it said, “watch over me” on another, “keep me outta trouble” on a few others I wrote I miss you and I love you, on one more I wrote “until the day we meet again ill await your kiss” on the last one, “You’ll wash your bloody hands and well start a whole new life.” I saw for the first time how many people Brian knew. There were a lot of people that were there that were his good friends. The funeral was short and sad. No one knew what to say, because his death was so sudden. I walked into the room where the urn was. For the first time I felt lost and alone. I didn’t want to be in that room. I knew that my brother was dead and his ashes were in that urn. I felt extremely uneasy knowing this. I felt a sort of loss. I knew that he was in the room with me because I could feel his presence. His funeral was beautiful.
I was full of fall colors and flowers from different places. It was short and to the point. No one really wanted to be there and everyone knew it. His funeral was interesting in the sense that the funeral director read from the bible. Brian was very Anti-Religion. He did not believe in God.
I suppose I should tell you the purpose in writing all this, I learned a valuable lesson through all of this. I learned to love fully and to cherish everything. I used to love with half of my self but I was cheating the other half. I loved with half my heart towards everyone I knew and myself. No one knew how much I truly loved them or my life. I finally realized what I had, but it was too late to save his life. This is my lesson and this is what I learned, do what you will with this knowledge. This was his life, this was my story, and now it is yours.
Saying Goodbye
To Him
It was a warm day and the ground was still wet from previous rain, but the sun shown bright and clear. The sun was high in the sky until my dad showed up. It was October 4, 2003, and like any other Saturday I was waiting impatiently for my dad to show up. My dad finally arrived and I ran down to the car to greet him. When I got to the car, I sat down and looked at him. His eyes were blood shot red, filled with pain, and tiredness. I looked at him, and that is where my nightmare began.
I asked him what was wrong and he told me that Brian had commit suicide. I said “Oh, my Gawd.” and looked at him, I was in total shock. I could not breathe and I was questioning whether or not I was awake or even alive. I was caught between reality and fairy tales, real and unreal. I didn’t know what to think. I did not really want to think as far as I was considered. I got out of the car and I fell down in the grass. There in the grass I cried for a long while until we went to leave. I knew when the tears were coming. I felt them in my chest, and I held them down for as long as I could and then they just took a hold of me and so I finally gave in and let them consume me. I swear to you on to this day that I wanted to sit there and die. I never wanted to get back up.
I had recently lost an uncle to suicide. I lost my uncle January 25, 2003. As you can see the deaths were less than a year apart. My uncle’s death was not as hard, because I knew that when my uncle died he was in a lot of pain and he knew that it was his time to go, but when my brother died that is a different story. I barley knew my uncle. I had lived with my brother. It hurt worse because of that. Around and in between both these times we found out that there was no chance for one of my aunts to live and that she would soon die of cancer. So three people close to me were either dead or were going to be dead.
Brian was an awesome person. He was about 6ft. and had blonde hair. He had the kind of hair that glistened in the sun. He had blue green eyes that change time to time. He was a sk8r dude he had numerous boards at the funeral. Brian was a funny likable person. You either hated him or you loved him. Many people that I go to school with now knew Brian but they didn’t know that I was related to him until they saw me at the funeral. Now more people respect me, and what I say. They listen closer when I mention his name. Brian was well respected and he lives on.
The funeral was held that Thursday and it was the hardest day of my life. The day was filled with pain tears and sadness, but most of all pain. I walked up to the funeral home and my step mom was out front and she told us that she could not go into the funeral home for more than a few minutes at a time. She told us that there were some balloons in the lobby area and we could sign them. I signed six balloons. All of them saying something different. On one I wrote, “sk8 on every cloud” on another, it said, “watch over me” on another, “keep me outta trouble” on a few others I wrote I miss you and I love you, on one more I wrote “until the day we meet again ill await your kiss” on the last one, “You’ll wash your bloody hands and well start a whole new life.” I saw for the first time how many people Brian knew. There were a lot of people that were there that were his good friends. The funeral was short and sad. No one knew what to say, because his death was so sudden. I walked into the room where the urn was. For the first time I felt lost and alone. I didn’t want to be in that room. I knew that my brother was dead and his ashes were in that urn. I felt extremely uneasy knowing this. I felt a sort of loss. I knew that he was in the room with me because I could feel his presence. His funeral was beautiful.
I was full of fall colors and flowers from different places. It was short and to the point. No one really wanted to be there and everyone knew it. His funeral was interesting in the sense that the funeral director read from the bible. Brian was very Anti-Religion. He did not believe in God.
I suppose I should tell you the purpose in writing all this, I learned a valuable lesson through all of this. I learned to love fully and to cherish everything. I used to love with half of my self but I was cheating the other half. I loved with half my heart towards everyone I knew and myself. No one knew how much I truly loved them or my life. I finally realized what I had, but it was too late to save his life. This is my lesson and this is what I learned, do what you will with this knowledge. This was his life, this was my story, and now it is yours.